Mummy no mates.
After another day at home with my baby boy, I was exhausted, I looked around and there was still crap everywhere.... not literally......this time (thank F***), but just STUFF, EVERY WHERE.
I looked up to the ceiling and tried to blink back tears, because I felt like a Big Fat Failure.
I mean, I loved my son soooo much, like a love I never knew. And I know when you're a Mum and you know you love them, but then you also feel this massive sense of guilt because you also feel lost.... and sad, a lot of the time, I just felt sad.
"I just can't do this"
I think I even said that out loud a few times.
But where were my girls? My mates, my besties??
The thing is, I had been neglecting them for so long and saying "no" to catch ups, because of this whole new "I'm a Mum now" thing.
So they had stopped calling, stopped checking in and stopped being around.
I can't blame them for disappearing into their own lives, I mean the amount of interest I showed in their lives was pretty darn minimal.
When Isaiah was down for a nap, I jumped in the shower and just let it all out. My eyes getting puffier by the second, and watching my tears disappear in the water.....I just felt so alone.
I felt so LOST.
Was I even me anymore?
Living away from my friends and family didn't help, I only had one good friend close to me, and she was so great, but she also worked full time, and so catch ups got further and further apart.
I needed connections. I needed to TALK to other women.
I tried those Mum groups, but they really weren't my thing, and I didn't feel like I fit in with that bunch, I wanted to talk about OTHER stuff, you know, who we were BEFORE kids, not just who's baby is rolling over first....
Seeing as I noticed I had put on a truckload of weight, haha I say "I noticed" but really it was like a truck smacking me in the face, that day was a shitter of a day too....smh
I thought I should get active again, and try and connect with other ladies...not JUST Mums, who I could Talk to. That I could share the journey with. Not just getting my pre baby bod back (that was gonna take TIIIME), but also Passions, finding what I wanted to do with my life, asking how to do my hair and nails and if this outfit is toooo activewear for day wear.
All of it.
After a while I found the best Facebook group, where we could talk about losing the weight, but also about the other stuff, and that's what really got me.
I started to make FRIENDS again!
I could say what was on my mind, I could vent, I could Laugh, and Holy crap, the release that came from that was massive.
I was a person again.
I got so involved in the group that I ended up becoming an admin and I finally had a purpose again!
I don't think that feeling of Overwhelm ever stays away for good. But now I have a release for it and heaps of other ladies that I can share it with and that will joke and laugh and just pretty much UNDERSTAND. And holy crap that makes the world of difference!
And gosh if you can relate to this at all, come join me, for a chat because, I friggen Understand girl! x